twirl around the life of 'ME'

when i post this entry, i have no intention at all to announce publicly what i'm currently dealing with emotionally. this is the only way i wish to express myself . i kept this emotional issue only to myself.no one else.


lately, this few days my emotional well-being is not helping me to go through a rough path in life. anything i do, everything just went wrong. and it makes me sad really when my only daughter become the victim of my madness. don't take it seriously, i did not hurt her at all. i just shout at her, scream at her...
pity her, she's just a  1 year old girl. lucky for her, she does not understand at all what is happening around her. sometimes i almost cry looking at her clueless face.

and when it is about to cool off, some things just ticks me off...


what ticks me of is that when you have built a family, whatever happens in the past stays in the past (if both of ya had mutually agree on it), ya know... so what happened was that he  had to actually reveal his past to the world via net. when i accidentally read it... i felt.... hurm... its a mix of feelings... its not jealous...it was like your heart been torn apart..and somewhere deep inside my heart i felt like he regret that it did not go as what he expected/planned before... and i don't what to take it all like this but a small part of me feels like i'm not good enough for him.... yet, i always put this thought away far away...


i barely look him in the eye, i barely talk to him, i silenced my self until God knows when... because i don't know where should i begin...


and yesterday, i cried my self out..and pray to Allah to spare me out, to give me strength to forgive him and myself... yet the EGO in me keeps pulling me back from doing so....



help?....